Secret Feelings
by Dashed
Summary: Utena smiles shyly at you across the breakfast table and you smile back pleasantly like always. All the while you’re resisting the urge to reach across the table and tear the rosy blush from her cheeks.' Anshi hates Utena for giving into Akio.


Disclaimer: Don't own Utena blah blah blah.

A/N: I think Anshi is much more bitter and twisted than she lets on.

Utena smiles shyly at you across the breakfast table and you smile back pleasantly like always. All the while you're resisting the urge to reach across the table and tear the rosy blush from her cheeks. Akio enters the kitchen and sits across from you and companionably close to Utena. She fumbles with the knife she was using to butter her toast, dropping it on the floor. She is full of mumbled apologies and tries to avoid eye contact as she reaches down to retrieve the silverware.

Of course Akio has already picked it up and is offering it to her smiling kindly. You want to use the knife to cut his throat. You would have to put some effort into it, since it would be blunt, but you are sure you have the strength, this morning anyway.

Utena is struck dumb at the offer her gaze drowning in Akio's eyes. You set your tea cup down carefully on its saucer, you've gripped it so hard that a faint crack has appeared in the white china. Akio turns his head towards you his surprise clear only to you. He smiles and you can find none of the warmth that Utena seems to bath herself in. She doesn't know that he's a cold empty husk that you hate more than yourself.

Chu Chu scampers to Utena shoulder for safety as he senses the murderous rage that courses through your pleasant smile. You tilt your head so the light shines on your glasses blocking out the sight of Akio feeding Utena her forgotten toast. You thought you could scamper behind her for safety once as well. That somehow her small narrow shoulders and nimble arms where enough to shelter you. How laughable. What a strange and utterly preposterous idea, seeking shelter from a storm in a fragile shell.

Utena was just as weak as all the other so called 'princes' that came before her only more so because she was a princess. It was stupid of you to think that a girl would be able to resist Akio. That a girl was strong enough to free you.

Your teeth press against each other tightly as your smile stretches to its fullest. You believed the pink haired girl when she said she would protect you. You had allowed yourself to fall under the spell of a weak, pathetic, cross dressing, child that had smiled at you with a kindness that no one had showed in decades. You where so desperate to escape the swords you allowed yourself to be tricked by the sickening naivety of Utena.

And you are screaming at the fact she let you down.

She revealed herself to be just like all the other simpering, selfish, weak-hearted _sluts _that walked the corridors of Otori. You bet she spread her legs eagerly for Akio. You bet she beg and moaned and squealed girlishly as he entered her.

"Oh my," You say lightly as your cup shatters in your hands.

Your finger tips swell with blood, as red as the blood that stains Akios bed sheets. You hate her. You hate how weak she is. How ordinary and how human she is. How feminine her gasps are as she sees the blood and looks to Akio to make it all better. You loath her.

"Anshi!" She cries taking your injured hand in hers.

You take it back gently wanting to smear the blood in her face and scream. You smile because that's all you can do. Akio has produced a medical kit from somewhere and the idea of him fixing you makes you want to laugh until you choke and die from lack of oxygen.

"Don't worry Miss Utena," You say getting up from the table "its only a scratch."

But its not a scratch, it's a great, big, gaping wound that is gushing onto the tiles of the kitchen but no one cares to look beyond your words. Utena looks like she wants to follow you but Akio puts a hand on her shoulder and she stays by his side obediently. You're going to be sick.

You will make her pay for turning you into a fool. How dare she sweep into your life and tease you with promises of defence and liberation. You will make her pay. You will destroy her for poisoning your mind with false promises and making you have expectations that she didn't meet.

You will never, ever, forgive Utena for giving you hope and then falling into Akio's trap like all the others.

You glance back to see Akio with his arm wrapped firmly around Utena and you wonder how you ever thought girls could be princes.

You take off your glasses as you wipe away the tears that cloud your eyes.

You despise her.


End file.
